Why i am not good enough?

No matter what I do, how hard I try, it's always wrong ...


Why am i not good enough? 


I am honest with you. At the moment when I write this, I am not fine. I feel misunderstood and not valued. It makes me sad that I actually want to cry. But I don't do that. Because who cares how I feel? Why cry and reveal my true feelings when there is no one who can and will help me? Why cry when nobody cares?


I constantly have the feeling that I am not good enough, that I am not worthy of being spoken to, of trying to understand me, of asking how I am really doing. 


But why is that so? What did I do that I deserve all the hatred and misunderstanding?


I do my best every day, try to please everyone, forget about myself. No matter what I do, I feel like it's not good enough.

Although I give more than I can, I tear myself apart, almost burn out. But it's never enough...


No matter what I say, it is often misunderstood. Then I am labeled as arrogant, selfish, mean or rude. Although I am not all of that. Everything I say and do, I do with a pure heart.


Everything I say and do I mean honestly and from the bottom of my heart. Why does nobody see that? I'm not a bad person...


Just ask me if I accidentally hurt you. Give me a chance to explain myself Because at least I deserve that. And the last thing I want is to hurt someone Before that, I prefer to hurt myself, crawl back into my snail shell and not become a burden to anyone. So that I don't disturb anyone with my presence.


But do I deserve it? Always apologizing for everything, always having to justify myself? I'm sorry I'm imperfect. I also have mistakes and I make mistakes. Every day. But only because I am a person who lives, feels and make experiences. All without bad intentions. You can believe me.


Either you want to see the good person in me or you don't. But I can't try to show my true and good self more than every day. You have to want to see it.


I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read that and I wish you only the best. Because you deserve it!


By Miss Sunshine - June 12, 2021

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